College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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