you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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