I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
