My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
you would pick up someone in the library
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
