i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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