i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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