PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
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