You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
