my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
