I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
