I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
