You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
