if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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