All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
there's paper in my vomit.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
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