found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
