I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
This is my gift to your gina
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
