Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
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