im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
