Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
