Don't make out with my wife yet
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
