Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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