I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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