You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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