Pants 0. Shit 1.
this beer tastes like vomit already
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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