Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
