she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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