i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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