so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
