nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
