Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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