Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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