youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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