I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
