just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
