lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
