My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
