grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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