I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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