She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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