I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
