Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
