someone get that fucking seahorse.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
