Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
