Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
