You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
