Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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