Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
