the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize