idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
