I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
