your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
