Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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