Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize