i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
All I want is dick and wine.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
