A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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