i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize