He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
