I wanna bring you to show and tell
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm always down for nudity.
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