i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Quick, to the slutcave!
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
