Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
