Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
