this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
