I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
