I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
