Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
