:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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