just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
We are two peas in an std pod
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
