Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
