you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
