I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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