i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
