I think my fart just growled at me.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
