it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
