Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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