I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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