I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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