WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
There are leaves in my underwear?
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