My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
