I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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